A woman announced to her co-workers it was a "venti" day. Everyone chuckled in agreement, holding their mochas, espresso and coffee drinks. My friend laughed extra hard later when she realized the venti woman was talking about her large cup of herbal tea.
A Whole Foods shopper on her cell phone discussing Christmas dinner:
"Go ahead and tell me. Dietary restrictions don't scare me. At home I've got a vegan, someone avoiding wheat and my son who's just an extremely picky eater."
I had retrieved a bottle of ginger tablets I left somewhere and was carrying them with me while shopping downtown. In Copperfield's I commented to an employee about it. Looking at them, she shook her head and noted, "That's not anything. You should see the weird and bizarre bottles of I-don't-know-what that have been left here. At least I've heard of ginger."
A teacher's aide in an elementary school told me about a boy in her classroom who informed his teacher he was not allowed to say the name Trump. The teacher inquired, "What do you call our President-elect at home?"
"We're allowed to say 'the man who lost the popular vote.'"
Woman exiting Whole Body a few days ago: "Happy whatever!"
"I thought with your beard and your guitar you ate really healthy."
"No... I pretty much will eat anything."
"This stuff is full of sugar."
"That's not a problem."
Facebook post of the week: "Sitting in a chair named 'Lavender' eating an ice cream called 'Witchcraft' at Screamin' Mimi's..."
My neighbor: "I didn't get as sick as them. I supplementized well."
A few years ago when I was holiday shopping at a crystal store the owner showed me some jewelry pieces. One had seven colors, each corresponding to a chakra. As she was explaining this to me I asked what she said to people who don't know about chakras. "Well, if they are gay then I say, 'Gay pride!' If they aren't gay and don't know what chakras are, then I just say, 'Look, it's a pretty rainbow.'"
License plates:
DOOMS DAY
OM GURUU
SSSTEAM
WINE *
(* and your point would be...?)
A humorous blog about Sebastopol encounters
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
You can't make this compost up
From a mother regarding the previous post: "I remember my husband and I going through a period when we didn't want our son to swear. We substituted 'heart' for any curse word. Yes, I know. Really Sebastopol. We'd all say, 'Holy heart!' And my son would say, 'What the heart?!' But what always cracked me up was hearing him go, 'Are you hearting kidding me?'"
I was in front of Fiesta/Pacific Market (depending on which sign you are partial to) and there was a guitarist and flute player standing at opposite sides of the entrance. The musicians were kind of battling it out. Two people standing next to me wondered who was going to win, and one predicted, "Well, it's Sebastopol - so probably the flautist."
From one of my community moles, at the Dhyana Center:
"I want my elixir straight up. No coconut sugar."
I ran into the woman who had asked me about the Sebastopol vortex a few years ago and ended up in my blog twice. She doesn't live in Sebastopol but was here shopping with a friend. She was surprised to learn I was still doing the blog. (Always nice to hear from a non-fan.) She asserted, "I have something you could add! At lunch my friend said she couldn't go to the city with me on Saturday because of a workshop she was going to. I was like, 'Really? What workshop?' She kind of rolled her eyes and said, "Well, it's on a Saturday afternoon in Sebastopol. So you know what kind of workshop it is.' It was a yoga one of course. And by 'workshop' she meant her and maybe four other people in someone's living room."
Regarding the didgeridoo: "It is the status symbol of our times."
Outside Whole Foods, pretending to look at Christmas trees because I heard the word "astrologist" from a woman on her phone. The conversation was quite bland, but at one point she did inform the person: "She didn't think Trump was going to win, so I'm not sure how much I trust her any more."
A local who grew up in Sebastopol reminiscing: "Used to go to the Analy Theater on Tuesday 50 cent night. We called it Hippie night. It was packed with hippies that came out of the woods."
"I'm going to say hi to my bud. Who's probably high. On bud."
Man on the corner of 12 and Main Street a few weeks ago, with a sign:
OLD
ANGRY
LIBERALS
Time to
RESIST
License plates:
SCUBY DU
HAZRDUZ
CHEEPO
1 QT JSTR
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
I was in front of Fiesta/Pacific Market (depending on which sign you are partial to) and there was a guitarist and flute player standing at opposite sides of the entrance. The musicians were kind of battling it out. Two people standing next to me wondered who was going to win, and one predicted, "Well, it's Sebastopol - so probably the flautist."
From one of my community moles, at the Dhyana Center:
"I want my elixir straight up. No coconut sugar."
I ran into the woman who had asked me about the Sebastopol vortex a few years ago and ended up in my blog twice. She doesn't live in Sebastopol but was here shopping with a friend. She was surprised to learn I was still doing the blog. (Always nice to hear from a non-fan.) She asserted, "I have something you could add! At lunch my friend said she couldn't go to the city with me on Saturday because of a workshop she was going to. I was like, 'Really? What workshop?' She kind of rolled her eyes and said, "Well, it's on a Saturday afternoon in Sebastopol. So you know what kind of workshop it is.' It was a yoga one of course. And by 'workshop' she meant her and maybe four other people in someone's living room."
Regarding the didgeridoo: "It is the status symbol of our times."
Outside Whole Foods, pretending to look at Christmas trees because I heard the word "astrologist" from a woman on her phone. The conversation was quite bland, but at one point she did inform the person: "She didn't think Trump was going to win, so I'm not sure how much I trust her any more."
A local who grew up in Sebastopol reminiscing: "Used to go to the Analy Theater on Tuesday 50 cent night. We called it Hippie night. It was packed with hippies that came out of the woods."
"I'm going to say hi to my bud. Who's probably high. On bud."
Man on the corner of 12 and Main Street a few weeks ago, with a sign:
OLD
ANGRY
LIBERALS
Time to
RESIST
License plates:
SCUBY DU
HAZRDUZ
CHEEPO
1 QT JSTR
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Are you compostin' me?
A friend has some neighbors with two sons. They started swearing in
recent months, so the parents have opted to substitute certain words.
Instead of shit, the boys are supposed to say "compost." It took a few weeks for the swearing to subside. "Now it is so
funny being over there and hearing one of the boys on a video game,
suddenly shouting, 'Compost!' Or the two of them having a
conversation, and one will say, 'He doesn't know compost about that.'"
A woman in line at the store lamented she does not like football games but her husband watches them all the time. She likes instrumental music and chanting, so when it goes to commercials the tv gets muted and relaxing music or her yoga chanting CD comes on. "It can go back and forth between the game and harp with ocean sounds all night long. It's a strange compromise, I know."
My community mole overheard: "I was over life coaching before the life coaching craze even began."
Walking the trail near Analy, following a young man:
"I wish I had been born and raised in Asia. I could have grown up eating squatting over my meals. Chairs have really ruined our civilization. They've ruined our hips, our backs, made our knees weak...."
"You have a hair dryer? That is so mainstream of you."
For those with some Ayurvedic knowledge, my young niece explaining to me that her friend doesn't want to take off her coat: "She's not warm all the time like me. She's not a pitta."
A friend telling me that the latest trend in west county are retreats that combine healthy cooking and yoga.
Me: "Really? I thought it was cacao ceremonies."
On the back of a large trailer:
PEACHY PATHBLAZERS
License plates:
I AM LUV
PNTHR
NW MORNG
CATTY
A woman in line at the store lamented she does not like football games but her husband watches them all the time. She likes instrumental music and chanting, so when it goes to commercials the tv gets muted and relaxing music or her yoga chanting CD comes on. "It can go back and forth between the game and harp with ocean sounds all night long. It's a strange compromise, I know."
My community mole overheard: "I was over life coaching before the life coaching craze even began."
Walking the trail near Analy, following a young man:
"I wish I had been born and raised in Asia. I could have grown up eating squatting over my meals. Chairs have really ruined our civilization. They've ruined our hips, our backs, made our knees weak...."
"You have a hair dryer? That is so mainstream of you."
For those with some Ayurvedic knowledge, my young niece explaining to me that her friend doesn't want to take off her coat: "She's not warm all the time like me. She's not a pitta."
A friend telling me that the latest trend in west county are retreats that combine healthy cooking and yoga.
Me: "Really? I thought it was cacao ceremonies."
On the back of a large trailer:
PEACHY PATHBLAZERS
License plates:
I AM LUV
PNTHR
NW MORNG
CATTY
Friday, November 18, 2016
Trump card
There were many Sebastopol moments during the week of the election and the post-election haze. "A liberal shot" of whiskey at a Main Street bar, offers of yoga classes, flower essences and massage to decompress from election stress. And the day after the election a person dressed up as a unicorn wandering the downtown area giving hugs. One of my favorites was a sign that said: "FREE tarot readings. Donations accepted and given to a progressive cause of your choice." On the sign was a picture of the major arcana Tower card with Trump's head adorning the top.
The day after the election a woman came into Whole Body wearing a dark veil and dressed in black to signify her mourning. After exiting she popped back in for a moment and asked a worker if she would take her picture. "I want my Facebook friends to see this!"
A friend, feeling depressed the day after election, found a kindred spirit at Infusions tea house. "I let her know I had voted for Hilary," she told me.
"That was really going out on a limb in Sebastopol."
A complaint in a local bar:
"The music is too loud in here. It is affecting my digestion."
An acquaintance overheard a boy at Whole Foods asking his mother, "Can we please, please, please have real turkey this year?"
Massage practitioner: "I've been trying to come up with something to make my massage more unique. Like crystal massage."
"I think that's already been done."
"Oh."
"How about hippie massage? There are a lot of hippies here."
"But what would that mean?"
"You get a massage, and a basket of organic squash and homemade granola."
"After five massages you get a psychadelic tee."
"With your power animal on it."
License plates:
BOH BOH
THMMPER
DUBY DOO
BERNIE
Trump Tower
The day after the election a woman came into Whole Body wearing a dark veil and dressed in black to signify her mourning. After exiting she popped back in for a moment and asked a worker if she would take her picture. "I want my Facebook friends to see this!"
A friend, feeling depressed the day after election, found a kindred spirit at Infusions tea house. "I let her know I had voted for Hilary," she told me.
"That was really going out on a limb in Sebastopol."
A complaint in a local bar:
"The music is too loud in here. It is affecting my digestion."
An acquaintance overheard a boy at Whole Foods asking his mother, "Can we please, please, please have real turkey this year?"
Massage practitioner: "I've been trying to come up with something to make my massage more unique. Like crystal massage."
"I think that's already been done."
"Oh."
"How about hippie massage? There are a lot of hippies here."
"But what would that mean?"
"You get a massage, and a basket of organic squash and homemade granola."
"After five massages you get a psychadelic tee."
"With your power animal on it."
License plates:
BOH BOH
THMMPER
DUBY DOO
BERNIE
Trump Tower
Monday, November 7, 2016
High profile
"You know you're in the west county when it's one in the morning and your boyfriend's roommates have
the munchies and are still insisting the snacks
be 'healthy.' One of them is looking at the ingredients on a package of cookies to make sure the sugar is organic."
"She was high as a kite. But I did get a moment of stoned empathy."
A thirtysomething guy telling me about different places he has lived locally: "And at one point I rented a house with five other people on High Street. Which was aptly named for my roommates and our leisure activities."
A tai chi instructor told me about teaching in Rohnert Park and that his students thought parts of the class were "too spiritual." The woman I was with commented, "You should go teach in Sebastopol. Nobody would bat an eye."
From my massage therapist: "One of the things I love about Sebastopol is that you can't really tell the difference between the homeless people and the millionaires."
Although I was in Healdsburg, I saw a sign that said "Organic Suntanning Booths" which I thought could easily have been a sign in Sebastopol. And in the words of my co-worker, "W-t-f does that mean??"
At the Petaluma library I was admiring some Day of the Dead art with another library patron. She asked me if I had been to any of the Day of the Dead activities in Petaluma and I said, "No. I live in Sebastopol."
"Yeah, it's sort of always day of the dead up there, huh?"
License plates:
DOLPHIN
SIP MUCH
SUNDROP
My same co-worker noticed the polite parking sign in the plaza, "Please..."
"She was high as a kite. But I did get a moment of stoned empathy."
A thirtysomething guy telling me about different places he has lived locally: "And at one point I rented a house with five other people on High Street. Which was aptly named for my roommates and our leisure activities."
A tai chi instructor told me about teaching in Rohnert Park and that his students thought parts of the class were "too spiritual." The woman I was with commented, "You should go teach in Sebastopol. Nobody would bat an eye."
From my massage therapist: "One of the things I love about Sebastopol is that you can't really tell the difference between the homeless people and the millionaires."
Although I was in Healdsburg, I saw a sign that said "Organic Suntanning Booths" which I thought could easily have been a sign in Sebastopol. And in the words of my co-worker, "W-t-f does that mean??"
At the Petaluma library I was admiring some Day of the Dead art with another library patron. She asked me if I had been to any of the Day of the Dead activities in Petaluma and I said, "No. I live in Sebastopol."
"Yeah, it's sort of always day of the dead up there, huh?"
License plates:
DOLPHIN
SIP MUCH
SUNDROP
My same co-worker noticed the polite parking sign in the plaza, "Please..."
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Costly carbs
After hearing about heart-painted garbage and recycling cans, a reader told me about going for a walk one morning during the holidays when it was very crowded downtown. A guy drove past her twice and the second time slowed down and handed her a few bottles to put in a recycling bin nearby. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "There is no place to park."
She reluctantly took them, and as he pulled away he called, "You are helping the earth! Terra firma thanks you!"
Status update, describing a chalk picture of a surfer on the mural across from Whole Foods parking lot:
"A surfer... about as extreme as tagging gets in Sebasto-town."
In the plaza: "I've been eating tofu and kale all day. I've got to get some real protein and something without greens."
Overheard at a new Sebastopol restaurant: "That is a $7 potato."
A local resident saw her neighborhood kids acting out something in the street involving Trump. She couldn't figure out why these children of liberal parents were staging a pretend Trump rally until another neighbor informed her they were actually playing "Trump protestors."
Guy wearing a sandwich board, taking a stand against Sebastopol's bad feng shui:
"CVS EATS CRAP"
A library patron to a librarian: "It probably doesn't help that my user name is Edward Snowden."
At an event a woman asked me and my friend's daughter about the downtown shop Milk and Honey. Both of us used the word "goddessy" in our descriptions.
"What do you mean by 'goddessy?'" she asked.
Me: "Um... you must not be from around here?"
(She was not.)
License plates:
PANS IMP
I CN I WLL
BE TRUE
LUV FOXY
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
She reluctantly took them, and as he pulled away he called, "You are helping the earth! Terra firma thanks you!"
Status update, describing a chalk picture of a surfer on the mural across from Whole Foods parking lot:
"A surfer... about as extreme as tagging gets in Sebasto-town."
In the plaza: "I've been eating tofu and kale all day. I've got to get some real protein and something without greens."
Overheard at a new Sebastopol restaurant: "That is a $7 potato."
A local resident saw her neighborhood kids acting out something in the street involving Trump. She couldn't figure out why these children of liberal parents were staging a pretend Trump rally until another neighbor informed her they were actually playing "Trump protestors."
Guy wearing a sandwich board, taking a stand against Sebastopol's bad feng shui:
"CVS EATS CRAP"
A library patron to a librarian: "It probably doesn't help that my user name is Edward Snowden."
At an event a woman asked me and my friend's daughter about the downtown shop Milk and Honey. Both of us used the word "goddessy" in our descriptions.
"What do you mean by 'goddessy?'" she asked.
Me: "Um... you must not be from around here?"
(She was not.)
License plates:
PANS IMP
I CN I WLL
BE TRUE
LUV FOXY
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Vineyards and vignettes
Regarding the last post:
"Mercury Retrograde is worse than bad Feng Shui. All you have to do with Feng Shui is move a plant or two. With Mercury Retrograde you've got to wait for entire planets to move."
A worker at Fiesta market asked me about a chocolate mocha drink I purchased for a dollar off. "What can I say? I follow the sales," I joked.
"You should see when kombucha is on sale here," he countered. "Entire cases walk out the door. We are usually out in one afternoon."
On an early morning drive I noticed garbage cans by the sidewalk that have hearts painted on them. Even trash and recycling get showered with love in west county.
At the Barlow a friend overheard two men discussing an anniversary gift. One said, "They own a vineyard. We can't show up with crystals. They aren't those type of Sebastopol people. We have to get them a real gift."
Waiting at the intersection of Main St. and 12, watching a girl with long pink hair cross the street toting a unicorn backpack. (And by girl I mean someone in her early twenties.)
One warm evening at dusk I was sitting on a bench at Ragle park, hoping to spot some barn owls. A woman came around the corner and looked awfully disappointed I was sitting there. "You took my meditation bench!" she cried. And went off in a bit of a huff.
"Look at all these stars and clouds - even my emojis are ungrounded right now."
Sometimes cashiers at Whole Foods or other stores will tell me about offbeat encounters with shoppers as potential blog material. Recently one told me about an extremely tactless customer.
"Actually, that's just a story of someone being really impolite. I think that could happen anywhere," I let them know.
"I see. Right."
"Now if they are rude and then start talking about mindfulness or quoting Thich Nhat Hanh to you, then you can tell me about it."
"Oh, it's happened...."
A text from my sister: "There was an hour wait to get a table. I can't believe Ramen Gaijin has become such the Sebastopol hot spot!"
Me: "I can't believe Sebastopol has a hot spot."
License plates:
SEASAW
AQURIUS
RAW RAWW
IT GOZ
PYRO FAM*
(* ??)
"Mercury Retrograde is worse than bad Feng Shui. All you have to do with Feng Shui is move a plant or two. With Mercury Retrograde you've got to wait for entire planets to move."
A worker at Fiesta market asked me about a chocolate mocha drink I purchased for a dollar off. "What can I say? I follow the sales," I joked.
"You should see when kombucha is on sale here," he countered. "Entire cases walk out the door. We are usually out in one afternoon."
On an early morning drive I noticed garbage cans by the sidewalk that have hearts painted on them. Even trash and recycling get showered with love in west county.
At the Barlow a friend overheard two men discussing an anniversary gift. One said, "They own a vineyard. We can't show up with crystals. They aren't those type of Sebastopol people. We have to get them a real gift."
Waiting at the intersection of Main St. and 12, watching a girl with long pink hair cross the street toting a unicorn backpack. (And by girl I mean someone in her early twenties.)
One warm evening at dusk I was sitting on a bench at Ragle park, hoping to spot some barn owls. A woman came around the corner and looked awfully disappointed I was sitting there. "You took my meditation bench!" she cried. And went off in a bit of a huff.
"Look at all these stars and clouds - even my emojis are ungrounded right now."
Sometimes cashiers at Whole Foods or other stores will tell me about offbeat encounters with shoppers as potential blog material. Recently one told me about an extremely tactless customer.
"Actually, that's just a story of someone being really impolite. I think that could happen anywhere," I let them know.
"I see. Right."
"Now if they are rude and then start talking about mindfulness or quoting Thich Nhat Hanh to you, then you can tell me about it."
"Oh, it's happened...."
A text from my sister: "There was an hour wait to get a table. I can't believe Ramen Gaijin has become such the Sebastopol hot spot!"
Me: "I can't believe Sebastopol has a hot spot."
License plates:
SEASAW
AQURIUS
RAW RAWW
IT GOZ
PYRO FAM*
(* ??)
Saturday, September 17, 2016
Another day, another goat
From a reader: "Leaving work at 7:45.... at the main intersection of Sebastopol downtown when I realize the dude on the corner was wearing a longish gown thing (a-la Jesus) that was tie-dyed, has scraggly Jesus hair and the thing on a leash I thought was a dog..... IT WAS A RAM WITH HUGE CURVED HORNS! Such a Sebastopol experience."
A day or two later I was in Whole Foods and the cashier mentioned, "Have you seen the dude walking around with a goat?" And I responded I heard about it via a blog reader but hadn't actually seen it. She then described the guy to me, and as it turned out.... two completely different stories.
At a grocery store (and actually not Whole Foods or Community Market).
The cashier recaps: "Things have been very intense! The new moon, mercury going retrograde, then the eclipse and full moon... We are rockin' and rollin'!"
"Well, in Sebastopol people dress pretty casual. So you may have pajamas on but no one would notice. They would think you're wearing gardening or yoga pants."
Guy flags down another guy backing out his truck in the parking lot at Papas and Pollo. "Hey, bro... there is Kombucha on the top of your car, man!"
I normally don't randomly start talking to someone I don't know, unless it is connected to doing this blog. I was in the library parking lot walking behind a guy wearing big bulky, flowery pants. I said to him, "Based on the pants you are wearing, I think you would like my blog."
He looked at me, a little confused, maybe thinking I write a clothing blog. Finally he asked what it is about.
"It's a humorous blog about Sebastopol culture," I explained.
"Oh, what's it called? I probably would like it."
(See?)
(Thank you to Emily for the fodder alert.)
Facebook post: "Sebastopol's feng shui is jacked." (Referring to the construction on 12 and the new CVS building going up, both creating a lot more traffic than usual.)
comment: "It's not really Sebastopol's fault. It was just a small apple farmer's town and then all the PEOPLE happened."
comment: "No it's mercury retrograde - it'll be over soon!"
reply: "Has Mercury been in retrograde for 10 years?"
(and my favorite) reply: "A debate about whether issues in Sebastopol are caused by bad feng shui or mercury in retrograde is the most Sebastopol thing ever."
Bumper sticker of the week:
I Break for Butterflies
License plates:
SPRT FRE
EL COOL
LET IT BE
ECO LVL
BLESSEDZ
A day or two later I was in Whole Foods and the cashier mentioned, "Have you seen the dude walking around with a goat?" And I responded I heard about it via a blog reader but hadn't actually seen it. She then described the guy to me, and as it turned out.... two completely different stories.
At a grocery store (and actually not Whole Foods or Community Market).
The cashier recaps: "Things have been very intense! The new moon, mercury going retrograde, then the eclipse and full moon... We are rockin' and rollin'!"
"Well, in Sebastopol people dress pretty casual. So you may have pajamas on but no one would notice. They would think you're wearing gardening or yoga pants."
Guy flags down another guy backing out his truck in the parking lot at Papas and Pollo. "Hey, bro... there is Kombucha on the top of your car, man!"
I normally don't randomly start talking to someone I don't know, unless it is connected to doing this blog. I was in the library parking lot walking behind a guy wearing big bulky, flowery pants. I said to him, "Based on the pants you are wearing, I think you would like my blog."
He looked at me, a little confused, maybe thinking I write a clothing blog. Finally he asked what it is about.
"It's a humorous blog about Sebastopol culture," I explained.
"Oh, what's it called? I probably would like it."
(See?)
(Thank you to Emily for the fodder alert.)
Facebook post: "Sebastopol's feng shui is jacked." (Referring to the construction on 12 and the new CVS building going up, both creating a lot more traffic than usual.)
comment: "It's not really Sebastopol's fault. It was just a small apple farmer's town and then all the PEOPLE happened."
comment: "No it's mercury retrograde - it'll be over soon!"
reply: "Has Mercury been in retrograde for 10 years?"
(and my favorite) reply: "A debate about whether issues in Sebastopol are caused by bad feng shui or mercury in retrograde is the most Sebastopol thing ever."
Bumper sticker of the week:
I Break for Butterflies
License plates:
SPRT FRE
EL COOL
LET IT BE
ECO LVL
BLESSEDZ
Monday, September 5, 2016
Delivery in retrograde
From the last posting:
"What are pockets of preciousness exactly?"
A woman at my bank who was commenting on west county culture: "I don't think very often that I live in a place that is that different from other towns. But last weekend I walked into Community Market and there was a guy with no shoes wandering around, another caucasian guy with dreads complaining there were no purple sweet potatoes, a young couple who looked like they had been transported from Golden Gate Park circa 1965 and then passed a woman explaining the differences between intentional communities, cooperatives and communes. This all happened in about 60 seconds."
Overheard at Whole Foods in the frozen section: "Tofurky pizza. What in the world...?"
I was chatting with someone in line at Whole Foods who ended up "confessing" to me she eats only organic produce but with unhealthy chips or cheese puffs. "I don't like healthy chips, I don't know what it is about them. I'll have organic carrots and celery and dip with oolong tea - and a pile of Cheetos." (Which reminded me of when I buy my favorite chocolate mocha drink and pro-biotic kefir, the two probably cancelling each other out.)
A voicemail from a local shoe mender, Michael the Arch Ankle, regarding my sandal that had fallen apart: "...calling you back from the boot shop. Your sandal - you need to have your sole saved. And you know I practice boot-ism. I am a boot-ist. And I, if anybody, am able to reincarnate your sole using the principles of boot-ism. So we must schedule an appointment, a prayer session. So your sole can be saved. And you know they are sole mates, so you may have to bring both sandals."
My sister gets Whole Foods deliveries weekly which are usually smooth and uneventful. Recently she received one that went sideways in multiple ways. The delivery debacle included: being 3 hours late, the driver going to an old address she hadn't lived at for several years, only delivering part of her groceries, one grocery bag and the receipt being left at Whole Foods. In addition the order was wrong: "...including burritos that I had to send back because they were gluten-free tortillas but had dairy (I felt like a total princess telling the guy that)." Whole Foods emailed apologizing and stating that they normally don't do deliveries on holiday weekends, referring to Labor Day.
License plates:
ARROW IT
SURE GRL
MELO MOM
BAD CHEE
LOVY BUG
(this car gets honorable mention for having eyelashes on the headlights)
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog
"What are pockets of preciousness exactly?"
A woman at my bank who was commenting on west county culture: "I don't think very often that I live in a place that is that different from other towns. But last weekend I walked into Community Market and there was a guy with no shoes wandering around, another caucasian guy with dreads complaining there were no purple sweet potatoes, a young couple who looked like they had been transported from Golden Gate Park circa 1965 and then passed a woman explaining the differences between intentional communities, cooperatives and communes. This all happened in about 60 seconds."
Overheard at Whole Foods in the frozen section: "Tofurky pizza. What in the world...?"
I was chatting with someone in line at Whole Foods who ended up "confessing" to me she eats only organic produce but with unhealthy chips or cheese puffs. "I don't like healthy chips, I don't know what it is about them. I'll have organic carrots and celery and dip with oolong tea - and a pile of Cheetos." (Which reminded me of when I buy my favorite chocolate mocha drink and pro-biotic kefir, the two probably cancelling each other out.)
A voicemail from a local shoe mender, Michael the Arch Ankle, regarding my sandal that had fallen apart: "...calling you back from the boot shop. Your sandal - you need to have your sole saved. And you know I practice boot-ism. I am a boot-ist. And I, if anybody, am able to reincarnate your sole using the principles of boot-ism. So we must schedule an appointment, a prayer session. So your sole can be saved. And you know they are sole mates, so you may have to bring both sandals."
My sister gets Whole Foods deliveries weekly which are usually smooth and uneventful. Recently she received one that went sideways in multiple ways. The delivery debacle included: being 3 hours late, the driver going to an old address she hadn't lived at for several years, only delivering part of her groceries, one grocery bag and the receipt being left at Whole Foods. In addition the order was wrong: "...including burritos that I had to send back because they were gluten-free tortillas but had dairy (I felt like a total princess telling the guy that)." Whole Foods emailed apologizing and stating that they normally don't do deliveries on holiday weekends, referring to Labor Day.
My sister's response: "I know in times past you've sent out emails regarding no
delivery during holiday times. Perhaps it's a good idea to add no deliveries
during Mercury in retrograde too, eh?"
License plates:
ARROW IT
SURE GRL
MELO MOM
BAD CHEE
LOVY BUG
(this car gets honorable mention for having eyelashes on the headlights)
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog
Sunday, August 21, 2016
W.C. O.C.D.
My friend's text insisting she would pay for a treatment for me: "Happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy vegan-butterfly-chakra day!" {smiling emoticon}
In the bathroom of a doctors' office building:
"This building is pretty modern."
(I nod.)
"It's so nice. For Sebastopol."
Me: "Yeah, I have gone to a lot of appointments in old Victorian houses."
"I know, right?! I went to this chiropractor and the whole place would shake any time someone walked up or down the stairs. And the floor had a really bad slant."
Practitioner: "Green drinks are good. You live in Sebastopol. You probably drink a lot of green drinks already."
While I was waiting for a to-go order, an older couple strolled slowly down Main street.
"Can't we go to a regular jewelry store?"
"This one looks all right."
"No... the jewelry here is too political."
From a friend of a friend:
"This guy I know is really into astrology and so is his girlfriend. His daughter is seven and I know she is growing up around a lot of astrology talk, but it's still so amusing to hear her say, 'Well, what do you expect from a Scorpio?' Or 'She has a temper, I wonder what her rising sign is?'"
This is from a New York post, but could have so easily been a local conversation:
Overheard at Whole Foods while eating lunch. Well coifed affluent mom on the phone apologizing to husband totally seriously: "I shouldn't have had that toast. I'm sorry I screamed. It was the gluten talking."
A customer before me in a grocery store asked the cashier to put on gloves to handle the produce he was purchasing. After he left she said to me, "Sebastopol people are so weird and needy! And I was born and raised here, so I have the right to say that!"
I laughed and asked if that was common.
"These things happen all the time! There are a lot of O.C.D. customers."
Me: "It's west county versions of O.C.D."
"I know! Tell me about it!"
A Facebook post a friend passed on to me (names deleted to protect the enlightened):
"Happy birthday glorious lady! Sending you so much light on this beautiful day!"
"Thank you!!"
"Lots of love and loads of light and pockets of preciousness!!"
"To you too!"
"So much light for this year! Glistening gobs of light gently raining each day of the coming year!"
"Got it! I'm good. That's enough light!!"
License plates:
GEEK LOV
BO HIWAY*
CATS MLK
WYN SNOB
LOFTY
(*Bohemian Hiway)
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
In the bathroom of a doctors' office building:
"This building is pretty modern."
(I nod.)
"It's so nice. For Sebastopol."
Me: "Yeah, I have gone to a lot of appointments in old Victorian houses."
"I know, right?! I went to this chiropractor and the whole place would shake any time someone walked up or down the stairs. And the floor had a really bad slant."
Practitioner: "Green drinks are good. You live in Sebastopol. You probably drink a lot of green drinks already."
While I was waiting for a to-go order, an older couple strolled slowly down Main street.
"Can't we go to a regular jewelry store?"
"This one looks all right."
"No... the jewelry here is too political."
From a friend of a friend:
"This guy I know is really into astrology and so is his girlfriend. His daughter is seven and I know she is growing up around a lot of astrology talk, but it's still so amusing to hear her say, 'Well, what do you expect from a Scorpio?' Or 'She has a temper, I wonder what her rising sign is?'"
This is from a New York post, but could have so easily been a local conversation:
Overheard at Whole Foods while eating lunch. Well coifed affluent mom on the phone apologizing to husband totally seriously: "I shouldn't have had that toast. I'm sorry I screamed. It was the gluten talking."
A customer before me in a grocery store asked the cashier to put on gloves to handle the produce he was purchasing. After he left she said to me, "Sebastopol people are so weird and needy! And I was born and raised here, so I have the right to say that!"
I laughed and asked if that was common.
"These things happen all the time! There are a lot of O.C.D. customers."
Me: "It's west county versions of O.C.D."
"I know! Tell me about it!"
A Facebook post a friend passed on to me (names deleted to protect the enlightened):
"Happy birthday glorious lady! Sending you so much light on this beautiful day!"
"Thank you!!"
"Lots of love and loads of light and pockets of preciousness!!"
"To you too!"
"So much light for this year! Glistening gobs of light gently raining each day of the coming year!"
"Got it! I'm good. That's enough light!!"
License plates:
GEEK LOV
BO HIWAY*
CATS MLK
WYN SNOB
LOFTY
(*Bohemian Hiway)
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Monday, August 8, 2016
Sebastotots
A reader told me she does not have Sebastopol encounters very often. However, her neighbor's young daughter did crack her up when she complained during a visit they did not have any mantra chanting CDs. "I'm asking my husband, what is a mantra chanting CD anyway??"
"Don't worry, this is Sebastopol. His parents will talk to us about this. Parents here don't even give kids sugar without talking to you first."
On our way to a friend's house (in my Camry), my niece asked: "Does she have a Prius?"
Me, amused: "Yes, actually she does."
Her: "Priuses are good for the earth. Not like this car."
And my niece commenting on two of her neighbors' recent haircuts: "They both got their hair cut really short! Their hair is as short as Quan Yin's! For reals!"
A friend of a friend told me a story about failing to realize how Waldorf-pervasive her son's playgroup was. "I showed up with snacks in plastic bowls. There were a few toddlers and parents just staring at them quietly and I felt like I'd done something terrible. Like taken Percoset out of my bag and handing it out to the children."
I didn't have much cash with me and was purchasing lemons and a chocolate drink. I was counting out change and informing the cashier, "I'm not sure I have enough. If so, the chocolate drink is going to win." Fortunately I had enough quarters, and as I walked out another customer told me she had a similar experience when she had left her credit card at home. She had to choose between leeks she needed for a soup she had already started making and chocolate truffles she couldn't bring herself to put back on the shelf. "When you're hungry and have truffles in your hand all of a sudden the organic veggie bean soup you've been making all afternoon doesn't matter any more."
In a downtown store I heard a woman conversing about people who own horses in west county. "When I lived in the Central Valley the horse names were Stud and Daisy and Brandy. I move here and everyone's horse has names like Moonbeam and Sky Rider."
Late evening delirium at Whole Foods (after a long day) between two cashiers and I, one of whom I have quoted before.
"I'm sorry I can't ring you up, I can't log on to the system right now."
Me: "Well, that's not funny. I can't put that in my blog." (some laughter)
She explains to me why she can't log on for technical reasons.
Me: "Can't you say your chakras aren't in alignment? Or that there are planetary reasons?"
(more cackling)
"Well we are going through some gateway into Leo and are experiencing a shift today."
Me: "That's what I'm talkin' about.... Although it seems like we are always going through a shift. There is always some trine happening, or something coming out of retrograde or--"
(All three of us are laughing now.)
"Yeah, it's like there is always some shift happening! And you tell a person there's something shifting, and they are like, 'Yeah! That totally makes sense! Everything makes sense!"
Me: "Well, I'm so glad you told me about the shift. My whole life makes sense now!"
"I'm going to go call my family! Something is shifting. My whole day makes sense now!"
License plates:
"Don't worry, this is Sebastopol. His parents will talk to us about this. Parents here don't even give kids sugar without talking to you first."
On our way to a friend's house (in my Camry), my niece asked: "Does she have a Prius?"
Me, amused: "Yes, actually she does."
Her: "Priuses are good for the earth. Not like this car."
And my niece commenting on two of her neighbors' recent haircuts: "They both got their hair cut really short! Their hair is as short as Quan Yin's! For reals!"
A friend of a friend told me a story about failing to realize how Waldorf-pervasive her son's playgroup was. "I showed up with snacks in plastic bowls. There were a few toddlers and parents just staring at them quietly and I felt like I'd done something terrible. Like taken Percoset out of my bag and handing it out to the children."
I didn't have much cash with me and was purchasing lemons and a chocolate drink. I was counting out change and informing the cashier, "I'm not sure I have enough. If so, the chocolate drink is going to win." Fortunately I had enough quarters, and as I walked out another customer told me she had a similar experience when she had left her credit card at home. She had to choose between leeks she needed for a soup she had already started making and chocolate truffles she couldn't bring herself to put back on the shelf. "When you're hungry and have truffles in your hand all of a sudden the organic veggie bean soup you've been making all afternoon doesn't matter any more."
In a downtown store I heard a woman conversing about people who own horses in west county. "When I lived in the Central Valley the horse names were Stud and Daisy and Brandy. I move here and everyone's horse has names like Moonbeam and Sky Rider."
Late evening delirium at Whole Foods (after a long day) between two cashiers and I, one of whom I have quoted before.
"I'm sorry I can't ring you up, I can't log on to the system right now."
Me: "Well, that's not funny. I can't put that in my blog." (some laughter)
She explains to me why she can't log on for technical reasons.
Me: "Can't you say your chakras aren't in alignment? Or that there are planetary reasons?"
(more cackling)
"Well we are going through some gateway into Leo and are experiencing a shift today."
Me: "That's what I'm talkin' about.... Although it seems like we are always going through a shift. There is always some trine happening, or something coming out of retrograde or--"
(All three of us are laughing now.)
"Yeah, it's like there is always some shift happening! And you tell a person there's something shifting, and they are like, 'Yeah! That totally makes sense! Everything makes sense!"
Me: "Well, I'm so glad you told me about the shift. My whole life makes sense now!"
"I'm going to go call my family! Something is shifting. My whole day makes sense now!"
License plates:
PEAS 2U2
FRESH 4U
FRST LYT
COWBOY U
GT WIZARD
GT WIZARD
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Emojis of all kind
A woman commented in a sushi restaurant: "This Indian flute music has been following me all day long. First in my massage, then shopping downtown. Now here. I'm beginning to think there's only one Pandora station around here."
Comment from Lauren from my last blog post (echoing my thoughts exactly):
"People still read The Celestine Prophecy?"
A Honey Moon employee told me two teenage girls were enthusiastically chitchatting one day while waiting in line. They kept talking about yoga and emojis, which seemed to the worker like a funny combination of topics. When they got to the front to pay, he realized they were talking about actual yoga emojis. "Who knew those existed?" he asked. "But if you're going to hear conversation about them, you're probably in Sebastopol."
A woman helping to organize a fundraiser was given a list of things to buy for it, with the instructions: "Gluten-free as much as possible, non-dairy options, sugarless desserts if you can find them, try and get organic veggies." She sent a frantic text to her supervisor:
"All the dairy-free things have lots of sugar! There are gluten-free things but they have dairy! The sugarless desserts taste like cardboard and the gluten-free bread is sad. All I have so far are carrots and some weird g-f seaweed chips. I can't do this!! HELP!!!!"
A workshop instructor told me she heard her neighbor say to her fourteen year-old son: "Don't 'namaste' me, young man."
Me: "So you know what polyamory is, right?"
Guy, shaking his head: "No."
Me, a bit incredulous: "Seriously? You don't know what it is?" Pause. "Yeah, I think I've been living in Sebastopol for too long."
I posted a status update asking people to like my Facebook blog page, as it had been hovering at 999 likes for too long and was driving me crazy. Pheonix, the owner of Milk and Honey, liked the page which was very fitting since I had started the update with: "For the love of the goddess..." She became the 1000th page like. So go to Milk and Honey! If you haven't been there, go because it is the quintessential Sebastopol store. I say this as an experienced source, because when my sister owned it customers would come in and say: "I can't go to Sebastopol without coming into Milk and Honey!"
(They also have beautiful stones, candles, statues, gifts, cards, etc. and from personal experience I can say conversation ranging from tarot readings to vagina emojis.)
License plates:
SO I DID
ARTSTIC
UM NOPE
FIREFLY
I WATSU U
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Comment from Lauren from my last blog post (echoing my thoughts exactly):
"People still read The Celestine Prophecy?"
A Honey Moon employee told me two teenage girls were enthusiastically chitchatting one day while waiting in line. They kept talking about yoga and emojis, which seemed to the worker like a funny combination of topics. When they got to the front to pay, he realized they were talking about actual yoga emojis. "Who knew those existed?" he asked. "But if you're going to hear conversation about them, you're probably in Sebastopol."
A woman helping to organize a fundraiser was given a list of things to buy for it, with the instructions: "Gluten-free as much as possible, non-dairy options, sugarless desserts if you can find them, try and get organic veggies." She sent a frantic text to her supervisor:
"All the dairy-free things have lots of sugar! There are gluten-free things but they have dairy! The sugarless desserts taste like cardboard and the gluten-free bread is sad. All I have so far are carrots and some weird g-f seaweed chips. I can't do this!! HELP!!!!"
A workshop instructor told me she heard her neighbor say to her fourteen year-old son: "Don't 'namaste' me, young man."
Me: "So you know what polyamory is, right?"
Guy, shaking his head: "No."
Me, a bit incredulous: "Seriously? You don't know what it is?" Pause. "Yeah, I think I've been living in Sebastopol for too long."
I posted a status update asking people to like my Facebook blog page, as it had been hovering at 999 likes for too long and was driving me crazy. Pheonix, the owner of Milk and Honey, liked the page which was very fitting since I had started the update with: "For the love of the goddess..." She became the 1000th page like. So go to Milk and Honey! If you haven't been there, go because it is the quintessential Sebastopol store. I say this as an experienced source, because when my sister owned it customers would come in and say: "I can't go to Sebastopol without coming into Milk and Honey!"
(They also have beautiful stones, candles, statues, gifts, cards, etc. and from personal experience I can say conversation ranging from tarot readings to vagina emojis.)
License plates:
SO I DID
ARTSTIC
UM NOPE
FIREFLY
I WATSU U
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Tales of oil and smoothie additions
After a reflexology appointment I was in a downtown store and kept sliding out of my sandals because of the residual massage oil. I made a comment about this to the shop employee, who replied: "Yes, we get a lot of people who wander in here after massages. They usually look very shiny and relaxed."
I was with my niece at "super" park one evening and two children were playing in the sand area. They decided to prepare some imaginary snacks. I heard them ask their mother if she would like any "cake with no sugar," lentil chips or organic fruit rolls.
A few minutes later the guy sitting next to me and I were trying to guess what book a woman on the next bench over was reading. He was certain it was some sort of "Sebastopol-type" book based on what she was wearing. A bit later she got up to tend to a youngster and we saw her put down The Celestine Prophecy. "I rest my case," he announced.
A few of us were chatting about how hot it had been during the heat wave. There were declarations of "you know it's really been hot when...." My favorite one being: "My coconut oil was completely liquid for two days."
On the way home from Tahoe my friend and I stopped at a Whole Foods off of 80. The cashier I spoke with told me his cousin used to work at the Whole Foods in Petaluma. I mentioned I lived near there in Sebastopol. He said, "I hung out there once. I remember people drinking things I'd never heard of before. And all sorts of smoothies and juices with things added I'd never heard of." I asked if he remembered any, and his reply: "Astragalus, superfoods, reishi mushrooms, aloe vera, avocados, cayenne powder" (to name a few). Which reminded me of the time I was requesting a reishi mushroom chocolate Rebbl drink when I was at Whole Foods, and the worker looking at me in horror. "No, really..." I faltered. "It's good. You can't taste the mushrooms." A woman standing next to me chimed in: "I've had those, too. They are good, and also good for your immune system." The guy remained unconvinced.
I sit in the plaza, finishing up a blog post. Two people are talking/arguing about new age aluminum solutions. There is a couple sitting on a bench sharing a salad, listening to two men drumming. The couple appears to be in their twenties and are dressed up in interesting outfits like they are going to prom. A prom the Addams family would host.
Bumper sticker:
Life's a witch
and then you fly
License plates:
BLU BIRD
LUV FOG
9HEARTS
BRUNCH
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog
I was with my niece at "super" park one evening and two children were playing in the sand area. They decided to prepare some imaginary snacks. I heard them ask their mother if she would like any "cake with no sugar," lentil chips or organic fruit rolls.
A few minutes later the guy sitting next to me and I were trying to guess what book a woman on the next bench over was reading. He was certain it was some sort of "Sebastopol-type" book based on what she was wearing. A bit later she got up to tend to a youngster and we saw her put down The Celestine Prophecy. "I rest my case," he announced.
A few of us were chatting about how hot it had been during the heat wave. There were declarations of "you know it's really been hot when...." My favorite one being: "My coconut oil was completely liquid for two days."
On the way home from Tahoe my friend and I stopped at a Whole Foods off of 80. The cashier I spoke with told me his cousin used to work at the Whole Foods in Petaluma. I mentioned I lived near there in Sebastopol. He said, "I hung out there once. I remember people drinking things I'd never heard of before. And all sorts of smoothies and juices with things added I'd never heard of." I asked if he remembered any, and his reply: "Astragalus, superfoods, reishi mushrooms, aloe vera, avocados, cayenne powder" (to name a few). Which reminded me of the time I was requesting a reishi mushroom chocolate Rebbl drink when I was at Whole Foods, and the worker looking at me in horror. "No, really..." I faltered. "It's good. You can't taste the mushrooms." A woman standing next to me chimed in: "I've had those, too. They are good, and also good for your immune system." The guy remained unconvinced.
I sit in the plaza, finishing up a blog post. Two people are talking/arguing about new age aluminum solutions. There is a couple sitting on a bench sharing a salad, listening to two men drumming. The couple appears to be in their twenties and are dressed up in interesting outfits like they are going to prom. A prom the Addams family would host.
Bumper sticker:
Life's a witch
and then you fly
License plates:
BLU BIRD
LUV FOG
9HEARTS
BRUNCH
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Evacuate in a zen-like manner...
A man talking to several people outside of Community Market: "All roads lead to Sebastopol..."
I sometimes run into people I have quoted in my blog but have never met before. One woman I was introduced to recently told me she was quite sure it had been her that said, "I don't go to yoga to relax. If I wanted to relax I would have a glass of red wine."
"That certainly sounded like something I would say!" she informed me. "I read it to my husband who thought the same thing. But I can add to that. One of my friends goes to a yoga class every week, and then goes home and is so relaxed she never wants to talk to anyone in her family and goes into a room and hides. If anyone tries to talk to her, she sends them away. Finally one of her kids said, 'Mom, why are you so impolite after yoga?' So she told me she realized as relaxing as yoga is, she still has to go home and be nice to her kids."
Milk and Honey regular leaving the store: "Happy Solstice, everyone!"
Milk and Honey shopper: "Everyone is into solstice around here."
Milk and Honey worker: "Oh, you have no idea."
In a small group of people the subject of this blog came up. Someone I don't know well said to me, "You are Miss Sebastopol?"
Me: "Not really."
Him: "Well, you write the Sebastopol blog."
Me: "Half the people that read it think I am making fun of Sebastopol." (Which actually is not my intention.)
Him: "I think you are Miss Sebastopol to a lot of people."
(Me internally: ???)
Him: "You write about many things Sebastopol."
Me: "That nickname doesn't really resonate with me, but I'd at least prefer Ms. Sebastopol."
I was visiting a family I used to babysit for, getting introduced to a new member who was not yet born when I was around years ago. He is a quiet five year old who has been at a kindergarten in a very "west county" non-mainstream school. He is attending summer school and his mother was telling me how much he enjoys it. When she went to the bathroom he picked up some chimes and came up to me, noisily clashing them together. Over and over again. His mom came back in the room. "He's been doing that all week. They practiced for fire drills at school. He likes those chimes but he doesn't usually do that so loud," she explained.
He did it for me again.
After a moment I speculated, "Do you think they used actual chimes when they were doing the drills?"
His mother burst out laughing. "I thought he was imitating an alarm. But at this school... I didn't think to ask but it very well could have been fire drills with chimes."
Status update forwarded to me which made me laugh:
"Watched an NBA finals game at a packed bar in Los Angeles. Lots of people having a great time drinking and watching sports. Watching the next game at a packed little bar at a market in Sebastopol. Almost no one is drinking (ok, one person is drinking Kombucha), and I am pretty sure it's packed because almost no one in Sebastopol has TV."
License plates:
WMNKND
JEDI 007
CHI MOM
ULLALAH
8MAGIC8
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
I sometimes run into people I have quoted in my blog but have never met before. One woman I was introduced to recently told me she was quite sure it had been her that said, "I don't go to yoga to relax. If I wanted to relax I would have a glass of red wine."
"That certainly sounded like something I would say!" she informed me. "I read it to my husband who thought the same thing. But I can add to that. One of my friends goes to a yoga class every week, and then goes home and is so relaxed she never wants to talk to anyone in her family and goes into a room and hides. If anyone tries to talk to her, she sends them away. Finally one of her kids said, 'Mom, why are you so impolite after yoga?' So she told me she realized as relaxing as yoga is, she still has to go home and be nice to her kids."
Milk and Honey regular leaving the store: "Happy Solstice, everyone!"
Milk and Honey shopper: "Everyone is into solstice around here."
Milk and Honey worker: "Oh, you have no idea."
In a small group of people the subject of this blog came up. Someone I don't know well said to me, "You are Miss Sebastopol?"
Me: "Not really."
Him: "Well, you write the Sebastopol blog."
Me: "Half the people that read it think I am making fun of Sebastopol." (Which actually is not my intention.)
Him: "I think you are Miss Sebastopol to a lot of people."
(Me internally: ???)
Him: "You write about many things Sebastopol."
Me: "That nickname doesn't really resonate with me, but I'd at least prefer Ms. Sebastopol."
I was visiting a family I used to babysit for, getting introduced to a new member who was not yet born when I was around years ago. He is a quiet five year old who has been at a kindergarten in a very "west county" non-mainstream school. He is attending summer school and his mother was telling me how much he enjoys it. When she went to the bathroom he picked up some chimes and came up to me, noisily clashing them together. Over and over again. His mom came back in the room. "He's been doing that all week. They practiced for fire drills at school. He likes those chimes but he doesn't usually do that so loud," she explained.
He did it for me again.
After a moment I speculated, "Do you think they used actual chimes when they were doing the drills?"
His mother burst out laughing. "I thought he was imitating an alarm. But at this school... I didn't think to ask but it very well could have been fire drills with chimes."
Status update forwarded to me which made me laugh:
"Watched an NBA finals game at a packed bar in Los Angeles. Lots of people having a great time drinking and watching sports. Watching the next game at a packed little bar at a market in Sebastopol. Almost no one is drinking (ok, one person is drinking Kombucha), and I am pretty sure it's packed because almost no one in Sebastopol has TV."
License plates:
WMNKND
JEDI 007
CHI MOM
ULLALAH
8MAGIC8
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Organic produce and guilt
I've had several comments when I post the blog on Facebook, asking if I am worried about Sebastopol just one day floating away.
(Yes, I am.)
One evening I spoke to a shop owner on Main Street for a few moments and mentioned my blog. He asked a few questions about it, and when I meandered down Main Street again last week I thought this same man was standing in front of his shop. I walked up, asking: "Any funny Sebastopol stories for me?" He just stared at me and as I got closer I realized it wasn't the same guy.
I awkwardly explained I thought he was someone else and as it turned out he did have a Sebastopol moment to share. A few months back a woman came into his shop, asking where on earth she could get ylang ylang essential oil. She was pronouncing it "why-long why-long" so at first he wasn't even sure what she was referring to. Her gave her a few suggestions and asked her what she needed it for. She told him she was visiting from out of state, that her daughter frequently used essential oils, was not feeling well and declared: "Mom, if you love me you will go find me some ylang ylang!"
A Sebastopol grocery store worker told me when he was working at the customer service counter a customer objected to the solicitors outside the store: "Can't I walk up to Whole Foods or Community Market without having somebody ask me to save the environment or donate to Amnesty International or sign a petition? I want to buy organic vegetables, but really don't want to feel guilty every time I walk in the store."
From a friend: "You know you've lived in west county for a while when you get on the computer to pay bills and end up spending an hour reading about your Celtic animal birth sign."
I met a former co-worker at Hard Core cafe, hoping to hear a diatribe from the older gentleman who complains a lot that I've heard about. But no such luck. Leslie did run into a friend of hers, who told us about a guy she met at Hop Monk who had very short hair and looked like a firefighter. "I'm so used to these dance parties I go to and meeting these guys with long hair who live in an intentional community and have a girlfriend or wife but it's okay because they are in an open relationship. This guy was so conservative looking, maybe he's even a Republican!"
Leslie started laughing, "You are going to end up in Cami's blog."
She looked at me. "Please don't quote me! One of these guys might know it was me talking about them."
I assured her: "I don't think you're in danger of identifying anybody. You'd have to be a lot more specific than that."
Bumper sticker of the week:
Pre-occupy Sebastopol
License plates:
WEARTH
BAT BMW
BE QIFUL
AHA MOMT
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
(Yes, I am.)
One evening I spoke to a shop owner on Main Street for a few moments and mentioned my blog. He asked a few questions about it, and when I meandered down Main Street again last week I thought this same man was standing in front of his shop. I walked up, asking: "Any funny Sebastopol stories for me?" He just stared at me and as I got closer I realized it wasn't the same guy.
I awkwardly explained I thought he was someone else and as it turned out he did have a Sebastopol moment to share. A few months back a woman came into his shop, asking where on earth she could get ylang ylang essential oil. She was pronouncing it "why-long why-long" so at first he wasn't even sure what she was referring to. Her gave her a few suggestions and asked her what she needed it for. She told him she was visiting from out of state, that her daughter frequently used essential oils, was not feeling well and declared: "Mom, if you love me you will go find me some ylang ylang!"
A Sebastopol grocery store worker told me when he was working at the customer service counter a customer objected to the solicitors outside the store: "Can't I walk up to Whole Foods or Community Market without having somebody ask me to save the environment or donate to Amnesty International or sign a petition? I want to buy organic vegetables, but really don't want to feel guilty every time I walk in the store."
I met a former co-worker at Hard Core cafe, hoping to hear a diatribe from the older gentleman who complains a lot that I've heard about. But no such luck. Leslie did run into a friend of hers, who told us about a guy she met at Hop Monk who had very short hair and looked like a firefighter. "I'm so used to these dance parties I go to and meeting these guys with long hair who live in an intentional community and have a girlfriend or wife but it's okay because they are in an open relationship. This guy was so conservative looking, maybe he's even a Republican!"
Leslie started laughing, "You are going to end up in Cami's blog."
She looked at me. "Please don't quote me! One of these guys might know it was me talking about them."
I assured her: "I don't think you're in danger of identifying anybody. You'd have to be a lot more specific than that."
Bumper sticker of the week:
Pre-occupy Sebastopol
License plates:
WEARTH
BAT BMW
BE QIFUL
AHA MOMT
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Sunday, June 5, 2016
Angry (sol)birds
A young woman told me about a neighbor family she used to babysit for. The parents were meditative and tranquil. The children were not allowed to argue and if they did had to go outside to the garden and quiet themselves. She said, "They were really a nice family, but the parents were so peaceful they didn't even let their kids play angry birds on their phones."
"The game was too hostile for their zen household?" I asked.
She smiled. "Exactly."
During the changes at Whole Foods a cashier told me the workers came in late in the evening and worked all night, usually loading up on Rockstars at the beginning of their shifts. This reminded me of watching several people get jacked up on yerba mate and raw cacao desserts late one evening to prepare a downtown shop for the holidays. (And I'm actually not talking about Milk and Honey. Hand to Lakshmi.)
With a group of people at a park:
"I just put my hand in bird crap."
"Is that good luck?"
"In Sebastopol it is."
As I was strolling through Community Market I heard a woman incredulously ask the person she was with: "What do you mean you don't know what kimchi is? How can you never have had kim-chi?"
A Starbucks customer mentioned a dinner group she has been in for a while. She described some of the members: "They are delightful people. But when they start talking about different dimensions or beings from other realms I just go south."
"... and you buy cashew butter that is twelve dollars, and because it's organic it only lasts for three hours."
As I was walking out of Whole Foods, I heard a woman saying rather sternly to (I'm assuming) her mother or mother-in-law visiting from another state: "Well, welcome to California. We compost here. We recycle."
The moment you realize the two toddlers you are watching are building a fort out of yoga mats.
License plates:
SOL BIRD
FERMENT
RAY LUVR
A tip jar at a local restaurant
"The game was too hostile for their zen household?" I asked.
She smiled. "Exactly."
During the changes at Whole Foods a cashier told me the workers came in late in the evening and worked all night, usually loading up on Rockstars at the beginning of their shifts. This reminded me of watching several people get jacked up on yerba mate and raw cacao desserts late one evening to prepare a downtown shop for the holidays. (And I'm actually not talking about Milk and Honey. Hand to Lakshmi.)
With a group of people at a park:
"I just put my hand in bird crap."
"Is that good luck?"
"In Sebastopol it is."
As I was strolling through Community Market I heard a woman incredulously ask the person she was with: "What do you mean you don't know what kimchi is? How can you never have had kim-chi?"
A Starbucks customer mentioned a dinner group she has been in for a while. She described some of the members: "They are delightful people. But when they start talking about different dimensions or beings from other realms I just go south."
"... and you buy cashew butter that is twelve dollars, and because it's organic it only lasts for three hours."
As I was walking out of Whole Foods, I heard a woman saying rather sternly to (I'm assuming) her mother or mother-in-law visiting from another state: "Well, welcome to California. We compost here. We recycle."
The moment you realize the two toddlers you are watching are building a fort out of yoga mats.
License plates:
SOL BIRD
FERMENT
RAY LUVR
A tip jar at a local restaurant
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Tie-dye misrepresentation
I was standing in line with a guy behind me who looked as if he had frequented bars during the seventies and still dressed that way. He said to the cashier, "What's with the organic soap? Does soap really have to be organic? Isn't it already clean?"
A friend told me, referencing the last blog post about the curmudgeonly gentleman complaining about hippies who hoard: "I think I know who that was! I was at Hard Core cafe a few weeks ago and there was this older man complaining about people recycling. I couldn't believe I was in Sebastopol and somebody was railing on recycling! Then I realized it wasn't recycling per se - but people who think every plastic fork and tissue paper gets recycled. He went on about it for a while!"
From a soon-to-be ex-Waldorf mom: "We are going to go home and eat sugar and do something really crazy like watch a Disney movie!"
I was at the Sonoma library and made a comment to a librarian about the assortment of teas they have available. I noted that is not the case at the Sebastopol library. Somebody said, "What's available for patrons there? Wine?"
(There is no shortage of wine or wine-tasting in Sonoma, so I'm not sure why this was amusing. But a number of individuals around me laughed.)
"There are a lot of temples around here, a lot of unconsecrated temples..."
"They do not have Burger King and Round Table in Sebastopol. That is not true!"
Me: "They do - I promise."
This was a status update from the Sierra foothills, but it could have so easily happened in west county.
(thank you Ken, Sebastoblog suppporter):
I was speaking to somebody who used to work as a receptionist for a spa in Sebastopol. She remembered a woman coming in and saying, "I'd like to get a massage. Not a healing." Enunciating: "Just. A. Mas-sage."
Another Ford Focus:
FOCUS
on
Kuan Yin
Sebastopol bumper sticker (thanks Emily):
Goat ropers need love too*
License plates:
2 NERDS
ANIMUSE
TREE TOP
* from Urban dictionary: "Goat roper is a wannabe rancher or cowboy poser. Goat ropers have the 4x4 pickup and the cowboy hat, but no cattle, horses, brain or land."
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
A friend told me, referencing the last blog post about the curmudgeonly gentleman complaining about hippies who hoard: "I think I know who that was! I was at Hard Core cafe a few weeks ago and there was this older man complaining about people recycling. I couldn't believe I was in Sebastopol and somebody was railing on recycling! Then I realized it wasn't recycling per se - but people who think every plastic fork and tissue paper gets recycled. He went on about it for a while!"
From a soon-to-be ex-Waldorf mom: "We are going to go home and eat sugar and do something really crazy like watch a Disney movie!"
I was at the Sonoma library and made a comment to a librarian about the assortment of teas they have available. I noted that is not the case at the Sebastopol library. Somebody said, "What's available for patrons there? Wine?"
(There is no shortage of wine or wine-tasting in Sonoma, so I'm not sure why this was amusing. But a number of individuals around me laughed.)
"There are a lot of temples around here, a lot of unconsecrated temples..."
"They do not have Burger King and Round Table in Sebastopol. That is not true!"
Me: "They do - I promise."
This was a status update from the Sierra foothills, but it could have so easily happened in west county.
(thank you Ken, Sebastoblog suppporter):
Bereft of energy this morning, I put the least effort possible into dress and grooming. I opted for a rainbow tie-dyed tee shirt I picked up as a souvenir of theatre camp, and my usual pair of khakis. My cheeks unshaved, my ever-lengthening silver mane untamed by hair product, I gave my appearance no further thought, and staggered to the cafe, hoping against hope for the strength to get a modicum of work done.
At day’s end, I sauntered home along the main street of my new hometown, past the shops and the innumerable wine-tasting rooms, when a stranger approached me hurriedly and waved me down with both arms. He was tall, lanky, and young, with a knit cap, a scruffy beard, and both his upper front teeth distinctly missing. He seemed relieved to see me.
“I’ve been looking all over for somebody to give me a nugget of weed so I can go home and forget my troubles.”
“I’ve been looking all over for somebody to give me a nugget of weed so I can go home and forget my troubles.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled awkwardly, caught off-guard, “I don’t have any.” I didn’t add that I never do. Not my thing. He wasted no time in wandering off, muttering over his shoulder, “You shouldn’t wear a tie-dye shirt.”
My comment: "Oh I wish that had happened in Sebastopol, would have been such an epic entry..."
My comment: "Oh I wish that had happened in Sebastopol, would have been such an epic entry..."
Ken: "In Sebastopol you wouldn't have to limit yourself to people wearing tie-dye. You'd just go stand out in front of Whole Foods and ask people." :)
Me: "You can stand outside the *library* and ask people." :)
I was speaking to somebody who used to work as a receptionist for a spa in Sebastopol. She remembered a woman coming in and saying, "I'd like to get a massage. Not a healing." Enunciating: "Just. A. Mas-sage."
Another Ford Focus:
FOCUS
on
Kuan Yin
Sebastopol bumper sticker (thanks Emily):
Goat ropers need love too*
License plates:
2 NERDS
ANIMUSE
TREE TOP
* from Urban dictionary: "Goat roper is a wannabe rancher or cowboy poser. Goat ropers have the 4x4 pickup and the cowboy hat, but no cattle, horses, brain or land."
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Friday, May 13, 2016
Even an oil change can be spiritual
An acquaintance frequents Hard Core cafe. She said there is a local customer who complains regularly. His most recent rant has been about "hoarding hippies." Neighbors he has who pride themselves in being unconventional meanwhile having homes and garages and shacks "full of crap they don't need and won't give away to Good Will. Or at the very least have a garage sale. But having a garage sale is too mainstream for them."
A while back my friend and her daughter were at Slice of Life. "I had to run over to Whole Foods to grab something and saw a man dressed as a lobster eating at a table in front of the store. I went back to Slice of Life and said to my daughter: 'There's a guy dressed as a lobster eating in front of Whole Foods' and she responded completely straight-faced: 'Of course there is.'"
A friend told me, "You were right! Sebastopolites are not adjusting well to the the changes at Whole Foods. One woman in line told me she can't deal with all the new colors. A cashier told me people have been peeved they can no longer walk in the exit doors." (I would be one of those people.)
I was speaking with someone who works there about the changes and that Whole Foods was overdue for some upgrades. I noted, "The store is finally coming out of the nineties." To which he replied: "Let's be honest, it was more like the seventies."
From our Milk and Honey local informant: "You have me listening to random snippets of conversation now. Today's gem at the farmer's market - 'Who in their right mind would say no to organic kale?'"
I was leaving Whole Foods one evening when I heard somebody telling the person they were sitting next to they had to leave for a massage appointment. I was too busy envying the massage but a guy sitting behind him observed: "Someone is always leaving for a massage or acupuncture or an astrology appointment. Why doesn't anyone ever have to leave to get their oil changed? Or go buy light bulbs?"
Second guy, after a moment: "What an astrologer should do is set up a table where people get their oil changed. Then they could do both."
A friend of mine was leaving Community Market and heard someone say to whoever was with him: "I can't go to this family thing without some kava kava first."
My sister when we were driving near Aubergine:
"Look, even the pizza delivery cars in Sebastopol are Priuses!"
I was at a mainstream (for Sebastopol) dining place and noticed they served kombucha and Revive. I commented on this to the dude behind the counter who muttered, "Well, you gotta keep the locals happy."
Favorite t-shirt:
I LIKE YOUR ENERGY
Favorite bumper sticker:
"Don't believe everything you read on an organic cookie label"
License plates:
SHHHH
WISDOM8
VEG ON
A while back my friend and her daughter were at Slice of Life. "I had to run over to Whole Foods to grab something and saw a man dressed as a lobster eating at a table in front of the store. I went back to Slice of Life and said to my daughter: 'There's a guy dressed as a lobster eating in front of Whole Foods' and she responded completely straight-faced: 'Of course there is.'"
A friend told me, "You were right! Sebastopolites are not adjusting well to the the changes at Whole Foods. One woman in line told me she can't deal with all the new colors. A cashier told me people have been peeved they can no longer walk in the exit doors." (I would be one of those people.)
I was speaking with someone who works there about the changes and that Whole Foods was overdue for some upgrades. I noted, "The store is finally coming out of the nineties." To which he replied: "Let's be honest, it was more like the seventies."
From our Milk and Honey local informant: "You have me listening to random snippets of conversation now. Today's gem at the farmer's market - 'Who in their right mind would say no to organic kale?'"
I was leaving Whole Foods one evening when I heard somebody telling the person they were sitting next to they had to leave for a massage appointment. I was too busy envying the massage but a guy sitting behind him observed: "Someone is always leaving for a massage or acupuncture or an astrology appointment. Why doesn't anyone ever have to leave to get their oil changed? Or go buy light bulbs?"
Second guy, after a moment: "What an astrologer should do is set up a table where people get their oil changed. Then they could do both."
A friend of mine was leaving Community Market and heard someone say to whoever was with him: "I can't go to this family thing without some kava kava first."
My sister when we were driving near Aubergine:
"Look, even the pizza delivery cars in Sebastopol are Priuses!"
I was at a mainstream (for Sebastopol) dining place and noticed they served kombucha and Revive. I commented on this to the dude behind the counter who muttered, "Well, you gotta keep the locals happy."
Favorite t-shirt:
I LIKE YOUR ENERGY
Favorite bumper sticker:
"Don't believe everything you read on an organic cookie label"
License plates:
SHHHH
WISDOM8
VEG ON
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Whole Foods is no exception
I was strolling behind two shoppers who were visiting from Chicago. Because I have become the Merciless Trolling Blogger I was attempting to listen to their conversation without being too obvious. It was mostly about restaurants and the weather. As I was about to walk away one said standing in front of a dozen tarot decks, "What is it with tarot cards? I've never seen so many kinds of tarot cards. Are these household items here?" As they moved away I saw that it wasn't just traditional tarot - there were animal spirit decks, goddess decks, angel cards, a steampunk tarot and a dolphin deck. (And I wasn't even at Milk and Honey.)
From a friend who used to live in Sonoma County: "I like your blog about the land of the crystal people."
Whole Foods has been going through a transformation, and I've heard some diverse comments about the changes:
"Have you seen Whole Foods? I can't believe what they are doing! It looks like Costco now!"
(It has lost the granola-crunch feel to it, but I don't know if I'd go so far as to compare it to Costco. Just morphing into a Coddingtown Whole Foods.)
"Has anyone noticed it's all about wine now?"
When the former eating area was cleared out for a few days and empty: "What is this? An area where you can do yoga now?"
A cashier told me one woman complained to her, "Everything is too complicated here now. It was a big comfort to come here and know where everything was. Now I have to think when I walk in."
"Change is one of the only constants in the universe, and Whole Foods is no exception."
A flier at the Nectary explained they would be closing early on a certain day that week, noting they would be "open for Blissness as usual" the following day.
My friend was visiting from the Minnesota who used to live in Sebastopol. She commented, "There are some people around here who could use a good dose of midwestern groundedness. But on the other hand, I do miss good massage therapists. And it's next to impossible to find a fucking decent yoga class where I live."
Someone suggested I try an anti-anxiety cannabis tincture from one of the dispensaries. I told her I didn't have a cannabis card. "You must have a friend that has one! You live in Sebastopol, just go stand out in front of Whole Foods and ask someone if you can borrow theirs!"
More license plates:
TRYXTER
MAKE DRT
BEEE LUV
BLOO BIU
When you go to park in Sebastopol...
(thanks, Emily)
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
From a friend who used to live in Sonoma County: "I like your blog about the land of the crystal people."
Whole Foods has been going through a transformation, and I've heard some diverse comments about the changes:
"Have you seen Whole Foods? I can't believe what they are doing! It looks like Costco now!"
(It has lost the granola-crunch feel to it, but I don't know if I'd go so far as to compare it to Costco. Just morphing into a Coddingtown Whole Foods.)
"Has anyone noticed it's all about wine now?"
When the former eating area was cleared out for a few days and empty: "What is this? An area where you can do yoga now?"
A cashier told me one woman complained to her, "Everything is too complicated here now. It was a big comfort to come here and know where everything was. Now I have to think when I walk in."
"Change is one of the only constants in the universe, and Whole Foods is no exception."
A flier at the Nectary explained they would be closing early on a certain day that week, noting they would be "open for Blissness as usual" the following day.
My friend was visiting from the Minnesota who used to live in Sebastopol. She commented, "There are some people around here who could use a good dose of midwestern groundedness. But on the other hand, I do miss good massage therapists. And it's next to impossible to find a fucking decent yoga class where I live."
Someone suggested I try an anti-anxiety cannabis tincture from one of the dispensaries. I told her I didn't have a cannabis card. "You must have a friend that has one! You live in Sebastopol, just go stand out in front of Whole Foods and ask someone if you can borrow theirs!"
More license plates:
TRYXTER
MAKE DRT
BEEE LUV
BLOO BIU
When you go to park in Sebastopol...
(thanks, Emily)
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
West county market celebrity status
From my community mole:
"Last night some dreadlocked dad told his acting up dreadlocked son to 'be respectful'!" It is not often one sees multi-generational dreadlocked dudes.
A woman I was talking to at Ives Park told me she's in a play group and one day the toddlers were playing a game where everyone would have to do what one of the kids would yell. "It was like, 'everybody run! Everybody fall down! Everybody clap!' One little boy shouted, 'Everybody meditate!' And three or four kids dropped to the ground, cross-legged and everything! They were taking it so seriously they didn't even notice how loud all the moms were suddenly laughing!"
This shopper I briefly chatted with told me one of her renters watches games at the Community Market bar. "Where else could he go watch a basketball game and drink a bunch of Kombucha?" she mused. "It's his happy place."
When Ken M. shares my posts, he always has good Sebasto-comments to go along with them:
From our friend the Blog Lady, here's your latest update from Sebastopol, CA...
- where beauty is in the third eye of the beholder.
- goddesses' country.
- where the streets are lined with yoga mats.
- the Biggest Little Yoga Studio in the world.
- where everyone wears the yoga pants in the family.
- where sage advice means how to smudge your home, office, and car interior. And gym locker. And tote bag. And post office box.
- where your karma runs over your dogma with your Yogi at the wheel.
(I personally have smudged a lot of things, but would like to go on record as to never having smudged my post office box.)
In response to the name of the last post ("I'll have white wine and a Snickers"), my neighbor Daniela noted: "I bet you could get both at the Rialto!"
(Of course I would be more apt to get white wine with their [non-organic] popcorn.)
A few people have noticed I got customer of the month at Community Market. One friend told me, "See, you are famous!" People say this sometimes to me regarding the blog, and I tell them, "Yeah, Sebastopol Whole Foods famous." Now I can say, "Whole Foods/Community Market famous."
From another comrade: "So the Sebastoblogger got customer of the month at Community Market? These things are so political..."
License plates:
AH PINOT
LITENDUP
(not to be confused with NLITEN UP, LI-10 UP or LITEN UP)
"Last night some dreadlocked dad told his acting up dreadlocked son to 'be respectful'!" It is not often one sees multi-generational dreadlocked dudes.
A woman I was talking to at Ives Park told me she's in a play group and one day the toddlers were playing a game where everyone would have to do what one of the kids would yell. "It was like, 'everybody run! Everybody fall down! Everybody clap!' One little boy shouted, 'Everybody meditate!' And three or four kids dropped to the ground, cross-legged and everything! They were taking it so seriously they didn't even notice how loud all the moms were suddenly laughing!"
This shopper I briefly chatted with told me one of her renters watches games at the Community Market bar. "Where else could he go watch a basketball game and drink a bunch of Kombucha?" she mused. "It's his happy place."
When Ken M. shares my posts, he always has good Sebasto-comments to go along with them:
From our friend the Blog Lady, here's your latest update from Sebastopol, CA...
- where beauty is in the third eye of the beholder.
- goddesses' country.
- where the streets are lined with yoga mats.
- the Biggest Little Yoga Studio in the world.
- where everyone wears the yoga pants in the family.
- where sage advice means how to smudge your home, office, and car interior. And gym locker. And tote bag. And post office box.
- where your karma runs over your dogma with your Yogi at the wheel.
(I personally have smudged a lot of things, but would like to go on record as to never having smudged my post office box.)
In response to the name of the last post ("I'll have white wine and a Snickers"), my neighbor Daniela noted: "I bet you could get both at the Rialto!"
(Of course I would be more apt to get white wine with their [non-organic] popcorn.)
A few people have noticed I got customer of the month at Community Market. One friend told me, "See, you are famous!" People say this sometimes to me regarding the blog, and I tell them, "Yeah, Sebastopol Whole Foods famous." Now I can say, "Whole Foods/Community Market famous."
From another comrade: "So the Sebastoblogger got customer of the month at Community Market? These things are so political..."
License plates:
AH PINOT
LITENDUP
(not to be confused with NLITEN UP, LI-10 UP or LITEN UP)
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
I'll have white wine and a Snickers
My friend and I saw a Celtic band at the community center. While there was no shortage of wine if you wished to purchase it, the desserts were disappointing. Eyeing a basket full of Twix and Snickers bars, my friend wanted to know: "Where are the Sebastopol desserts? No vegan, healthy cacao desserts here? What is wrong with this picture?!"
In my Bollywood class another dancer told me he used to live in Sebastopol. "People there were so nice. You'd come to a stop and the drivers would be like 'you go,' 'no, you go.' I'd think, 'Somebody fucking go, I've got to get to work!"
"This little piggy went to market...
this little piggy stayed home in their yurt...
this little piggy played in the pesticide-free garden
this little piggy played in the dirt."
While asking for a root beer at the Rialto, I requested little ice in the drink. The worker showed me how much he put in and I approved. "I'm sorry to be picky, it's just hard to pay four dollars for a cup of ice," I explained.
He shrugged. "One woman got mad at us last week for not having an organic popcorn option. This is nothing."
My former co-worker when we were at the Barlow last Saturday watching the tourists:
"Are these people walking around here from Sebastopol? They are not dressed like they are from Sebastopol. And they are walking around drinking glasses of wine. Sebastopolians walk around drinking yerba mate."
According to an animal medicine source: "People are trying to make bats the new owl."
A woman told her neighbor at the farmer's market last weekend: "I'm waiting for a friend whose getting a massage, listening to drumming and eating seaweed salad. There's really been no sign of Easter all day. Except for pictures of Easter baskets I got from my grandchildren this morning, I would not have even known it was Easter Sunday."
I walked up behind someone at Community Market staring at several rows of healthy juices, herb-infused shakes and kombucha. After a minute I asked him if I could grab a drink. He turned to me. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was in the zone. I'm not used to such a selection of healthy drinks. They don't have that where I'm from."
Often when I emerge from my yoga class I walk past several people smoking who have stepped outside from the Main Street bar. This week one slightly-intoxicated fellow asked me if I had just done yoga. To which I replied yes. He said: "You have that yoga smile. And you're wearing yoga pants."
Me: "I have to say, yoga pants are not necessarily an indication of actually going to yoga in Sebastopol."
More license plates:
SLONOMA
LVNG JOY
ARIES I B
CHAI 5S
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
In my Bollywood class another dancer told me he used to live in Sebastopol. "People there were so nice. You'd come to a stop and the drivers would be like 'you go,' 'no, you go.' I'd think, 'Somebody fucking go, I've got to get to work!"
"This little piggy went to market...
this little piggy stayed home in their yurt...
this little piggy played in the pesticide-free garden
this little piggy played in the dirt."
While asking for a root beer at the Rialto, I requested little ice in the drink. The worker showed me how much he put in and I approved. "I'm sorry to be picky, it's just hard to pay four dollars for a cup of ice," I explained.
He shrugged. "One woman got mad at us last week for not having an organic popcorn option. This is nothing."
My former co-worker when we were at the Barlow last Saturday watching the tourists:
"Are these people walking around here from Sebastopol? They are not dressed like they are from Sebastopol. And they are walking around drinking glasses of wine. Sebastopolians walk around drinking yerba mate."
According to an animal medicine source: "People are trying to make bats the new owl."
A woman told her neighbor at the farmer's market last weekend: "I'm waiting for a friend whose getting a massage, listening to drumming and eating seaweed salad. There's really been no sign of Easter all day. Except for pictures of Easter baskets I got from my grandchildren this morning, I would not have even known it was Easter Sunday."
I walked up behind someone at Community Market staring at several rows of healthy juices, herb-infused shakes and kombucha. After a minute I asked him if I could grab a drink. He turned to me. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was in the zone. I'm not used to such a selection of healthy drinks. They don't have that where I'm from."
Often when I emerge from my yoga class I walk past several people smoking who have stepped outside from the Main Street bar. This week one slightly-intoxicated fellow asked me if I had just done yoga. To which I replied yes. He said: "You have that yoga smile. And you're wearing yoga pants."
Me: "I have to say, yoga pants are not necessarily an indication of actually going to yoga in Sebastopol."
More license plates:
SLONOMA
LVNG JOY
ARIES I B
CHAI 5S
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Groovy hip peas
Talking to someone about my blog, she summarized Sebastopol culture in her opinion in one statement: "You've seen one white dreadlocked guy, you've seen them all."
Another tale from my yoga classmate who just moved back here from Fresno:
"I'm sitting in my car at the Barlow. I'd been backing out when someone called and since I'm used to Fresno's suffocating summer heat I don't turn the car off. When I look up a woman has materialized in front of my car waving her arms in front of her face like my car stinks and is shouting 'turn off your car, you're ruining the environment!' I would have been mad but all I could think was that never happened in Fresno."
My sister's rant after my last blog posting:
"Thank you Cami for channeling so well the enlightened sarcasm we as a community can only obtain when we've reached the place of nirvana where being able to laugh at ourselves comes only with the knowing we are all the authors of this cosmic joke of a life we are living."
(and for those few people in west county who don't know my sister, this was also dripping with [enlightened] sarcasm)
In front of a few people in line at Whole Foods yesterday, I heard a woman say to her friends: "We are in Sebastopol. We try new things when we come here. Look at these drinks and their containers. They look really groovy so they must be good."
A library worker told me she overheard this comment a while back:
"No, this is the library. Not Kinko's. And not a spiritual book store. There aren't random Wiccan books on the shelves just because it's Sebastopol."
A Ford Focus I pulled up behind, with a message:
Focus on
peace
From a former co-worker, who does not live in Sebastopol but has worked here long enough to realize:
"One of my coworkers (who lives in a yurt. So you think he'd understand Sebastopol better) was complaining about how he can't find a woman because they all think they are goddesses and he doesn't really get it. I responded that he shouldn't say that to any of the women in Sebastopol because that's probably his problem. Plus, all women are goddesses! But if he doesn't want a goddess Sebastopol is the wrong place to be looking."
License plates:
HIP PEA
BLIEVE IT
DG HAIR
SOL RISE
Another tale from my yoga classmate who just moved back here from Fresno:
"I'm sitting in my car at the Barlow. I'd been backing out when someone called and since I'm used to Fresno's suffocating summer heat I don't turn the car off. When I look up a woman has materialized in front of my car waving her arms in front of her face like my car stinks and is shouting 'turn off your car, you're ruining the environment!' I would have been mad but all I could think was that never happened in Fresno."
My sister's rant after my last blog posting:
"Thank you Cami for channeling so well the enlightened sarcasm we as a community can only obtain when we've reached the place of nirvana where being able to laugh at ourselves comes only with the knowing we are all the authors of this cosmic joke of a life we are living."
(and for those few people in west county who don't know my sister, this was also dripping with [enlightened] sarcasm)
In front of a few people in line at Whole Foods yesterday, I heard a woman say to her friends: "We are in Sebastopol. We try new things when we come here. Look at these drinks and their containers. They look really groovy so they must be good."
A library worker told me she overheard this comment a while back:
"No, this is the library. Not Kinko's. And not a spiritual book store. There aren't random Wiccan books on the shelves just because it's Sebastopol."
A Ford Focus I pulled up behind, with a message:
Focus on
peace
From a former co-worker, who does not live in Sebastopol but has worked here long enough to realize:
"One of my coworkers (who lives in a yurt. So you think he'd understand Sebastopol better) was complaining about how he can't find a woman because they all think they are goddesses and he doesn't really get it. I responded that he shouldn't say that to any of the women in Sebastopol because that's probably his problem. Plus, all women are goddesses! But if he doesn't want a goddess Sebastopol is the wrong place to be looking."
License plates:
HIP PEA
BLIEVE IT
DG HAIR
SOL RISE
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
The renaissance at Ragle
You know how you go for a walk in Ragle park, and you come around a bend and there are two women trying on renaissance clothes? Attempting to pick out which ones will look the best in a picture. And then twenty minutes later, in a different area of the park, you see two boys dueling with toy swords. One is wearing a feudal outfit. You think, somehow these two incidents must be related. But it turns out they are not.
An email from a reader:
"Only in Sebastopol would you see fliers for math tutors that are kind and supportive."
Outside Pacific Market I saw some girls selling Girl Scout cookies. One was talking/shouting about different kinds of cookies, and then suddenly started doing the "gluten-free dance" as she called it. I asked the adult behind her if there were, in fact, gluten-free cookies now. She shook her head. "No, lots of gluten and lots of sugar still." Slightly shrugging her shoulders she pointed to the girl who was continuing to boogie. "I have no idea what this is about."
A fellow yoga classmate has just moved back to Sebastopol after living in Fresno for a number of years. She was telling us the things that happen here that would never happen in Fresno: for example, the sheer number of places you can buy fermented beverages around town - this does not exist in Fresno.
A customer behind me in line at Whole Foods disclosed she got a speeding ticket earlier that day. She ended up telling us that she wasn't that bothered by it. "I'm not upset, I don't know why. Maybe it's total denial, or maybe the meditation CDs I've been listening to are working."
"I know she parked in this parking lot. Hers is the one with the Zoroaster Temple bumper sticker on it."
And the most Sebastopol bumper sticker of the week:
I LOVE LOVE
My four year-old niece: "Aunt Cami, why don't you have a Prius?"
"Slice of Life has changed some, it's different owners. The menu is new and improved. And they remodeled inside."
"Yeah, it doesn't look so west county ghetto any more."
License plates:
OM TARA
R YOU KND
ZENWOLF
SUN BEAR
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
An email from a reader:
"Only in Sebastopol would you see fliers for math tutors that are kind and supportive."
Outside Pacific Market I saw some girls selling Girl Scout cookies. One was talking/shouting about different kinds of cookies, and then suddenly started doing the "gluten-free dance" as she called it. I asked the adult behind her if there were, in fact, gluten-free cookies now. She shook her head. "No, lots of gluten and lots of sugar still." Slightly shrugging her shoulders she pointed to the girl who was continuing to boogie. "I have no idea what this is about."
A fellow yoga classmate has just moved back to Sebastopol after living in Fresno for a number of years. She was telling us the things that happen here that would never happen in Fresno: for example, the sheer number of places you can buy fermented beverages around town - this does not exist in Fresno.
A customer behind me in line at Whole Foods disclosed she got a speeding ticket earlier that day. She ended up telling us that she wasn't that bothered by it. "I'm not upset, I don't know why. Maybe it's total denial, or maybe the meditation CDs I've been listening to are working."
"I know she parked in this parking lot. Hers is the one with the Zoroaster Temple bumper sticker on it."
And the most Sebastopol bumper sticker of the week:
I LOVE LOVE
My four year-old niece: "Aunt Cami, why don't you have a Prius?"
"Slice of Life has changed some, it's different owners. The menu is new and improved. And they remodeled inside."
"Yeah, it doesn't look so west county ghetto any more."
License plates:
OM TARA
R YOU KND
ZENWOLF
SUN BEAR
https://www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Monday, February 22, 2016
Buddhist license plates
A woman admiring a cashier's necklace of amethyst and dark purple stones:
"I really like that. It looks like it has magical powers."
A local told me what her son's teacher mentioned after Valentine's day:
"She had a boy in the class who told her he didn't celebrate Valentine's day because they practice love every day at home and don't single out just one day for it. And also he's not allowed to eat chocolate."
Favorite recent Facebook post about a Press Democrat article:
"In Sebastopol, even our newly hired policewoman is a yoga instructor. :)"
I was glad to see my bathroom cleaner noted it is gluten-free.
I dashed over to Community Market one evening just before it was closing at 10. It was pretty hoppin'. The cashier and I were joking that there isn't much happening in Sebastopol on a Thursday night if the health food store has a crowd. (I should mention they do have a small bar, but nobody was in the bar.)
"After hours at Community Market," he remarked with drollness. "It's the place to be."
As I was walking through a parking lot to my car late one evening:
Dude #1: "Look at that, it's a buddha on the license plate."
Dude #2: "No, that can't be..."
Dude #1: "Yes it is. Look!"
Dude #2 bends down: "Dude, it's the statue of liberty."
(substances may have been involved in this interaction)
At the Rialto Cinemas, where there is now a food and wine bar (in addition to really good popcorn):
Person in front of me: "So you can just come here and get a salad and wine, and not have to see a movie?"
His wife: "I think so."
Him: "Would people really do that?"
Her: "I really don't know."
Me: "But more importantly, could you just come get some of their popcorn to go?"
Her: "Now that is a very good question!"
I was conversing with an older gentleman at Community Market who mentioned he used to live in Sebastopol but was now visiting for a few weeks. We got on the topic of spirituality. "The spirituality around here is hard to describe. It's spiritual but it's not. Like when you go hear jazz but it ends up being jazz fusion. It sounds like jazz but it isn't bona fied jazz."
Me: "Kind of like 'spiritual funk?'"
"Yes! Spiritual infusion funk."
(If only I was paid for spotting west county license plates:)
ZOOMORE
SEEK JOY
ZEBRAS
GRND WVR
"I really like that. It looks like it has magical powers."
A local told me what her son's teacher mentioned after Valentine's day:
"She had a boy in the class who told her he didn't celebrate Valentine's day because they practice love every day at home and don't single out just one day for it. And also he's not allowed to eat chocolate."
Favorite recent Facebook post about a Press Democrat article:
"In Sebastopol, even our newly hired policewoman is a yoga instructor. :)"
I was glad to see my bathroom cleaner noted it is gluten-free.
I dashed over to Community Market one evening just before it was closing at 10. It was pretty hoppin'. The cashier and I were joking that there isn't much happening in Sebastopol on a Thursday night if the health food store has a crowd. (I should mention they do have a small bar, but nobody was in the bar.)
"After hours at Community Market," he remarked with drollness. "It's the place to be."
As I was walking through a parking lot to my car late one evening:
Dude #1: "Look at that, it's a buddha on the license plate."
Dude #2: "No, that can't be..."
Dude #1: "Yes it is. Look!"
Dude #2 bends down: "Dude, it's the statue of liberty."
(substances may have been involved in this interaction)
At the Rialto Cinemas, where there is now a food and wine bar (in addition to really good popcorn):
Person in front of me: "So you can just come here and get a salad and wine, and not have to see a movie?"
His wife: "I think so."
Him: "Would people really do that?"
Her: "I really don't know."
Me: "But more importantly, could you just come get some of their popcorn to go?"
Her: "Now that is a very good question!"
I was conversing with an older gentleman at Community Market who mentioned he used to live in Sebastopol but was now visiting for a few weeks. We got on the topic of spirituality. "The spirituality around here is hard to describe. It's spiritual but it's not. Like when you go hear jazz but it ends up being jazz fusion. It sounds like jazz but it isn't bona fied jazz."
Me: "Kind of like 'spiritual funk?'"
"Yes! Spiritual infusion funk."
(If only I was paid for spotting west county license plates:)
ZOOMORE
SEEK JOY
ZEBRAS
GRND WVR
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Karmic debt
A Nectary customer was telling me about her Very Sebastopol neighbor. "She is the kind of person you can't ask a question and get a simple answer. Or even make a statement. Like I'll say I'm thirsty and fifteen minutes later she is still talking about hydration and fourteen reasons why you should drink coconut water. Or why hemp ice cream is healthier for you than coconut ice cream. Or why quantum touch is better than massage. Or what kind of tea to drink to help your REM sleep so you'll dream better. One day she told me the type of yoga I do is not right for moving kundalini energy. I could go on and on....'
At a coffeehouse I somehow ended up talking about the song "Age of Aquarius" with a few people. One woman remarked, "I never really understood the significance of this song until I took an astrology workshop. The lyrics from that song are very important! If you know anything about astrology. If not it's just people singing a really peculiar song about the planets."
While I was waiting for a meal at Peter Lowel's, the guests next to me:
"Here is that salt again. There has been pink Himalayan salt everywhere we've gone this weekend."
A local told me about her land mate: "She said it's okay for her to go into debt. She has good karma with credit cards. I'm thinking to myself, what does that even mean?"
A mother to her friend, talking about the neighborhood she used to live in: "My kids got along fine with the other kids on our street. But a few of the moms were kind of prejudiced toward my kids. They just weren't Waldorf-y enough for them."
My friend and I were cruising around Whole Foods trying to decide what to eat. We ended up at the smoothie counter, and he commented: "We have been walking around and talking about tantra and ayahuasca and The Cosmic Serpent and beet juice, and nobody is fazed by any of this."
Me: "Yeah... That is kind of the point of my blog."
License plates:
OOOOHM
ACTION
APAWSUM
BAT NRSE
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
At a coffeehouse I somehow ended up talking about the song "Age of Aquarius" with a few people. One woman remarked, "I never really understood the significance of this song until I took an astrology workshop. The lyrics from that song are very important! If you know anything about astrology. If not it's just people singing a really peculiar song about the planets."
While I was waiting for a meal at Peter Lowel's, the guests next to me:
"Here is that salt again. There has been pink Himalayan salt everywhere we've gone this weekend."
A local told me about her land mate: "She said it's okay for her to go into debt. She has good karma with credit cards. I'm thinking to myself, what does that even mean?"
A mother to her friend, talking about the neighborhood she used to live in: "My kids got along fine with the other kids on our street. But a few of the moms were kind of prejudiced toward my kids. They just weren't Waldorf-y enough for them."
My friend and I were cruising around Whole Foods trying to decide what to eat. We ended up at the smoothie counter, and he commented: "We have been walking around and talking about tantra and ayahuasca and The Cosmic Serpent and beet juice, and nobody is fazed by any of this."
Me: "Yeah... That is kind of the point of my blog."
License plates:
OOOOHM
ACTION
APAWSUM
BAT NRSE
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog/
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Do healthy McNuggets exist? (and other west county musings)
A conversation I heard walking to my car in the Whole Foods parking lot:
"Let's go to Slice of Life. They have chicken mcnuggets now."
"They do? Are they real?"
"No, they are tempeh healthy vegan mcnuggets. But they're good."
"Nothing 'mc' about that." (I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing.)
More comments on the Sebastopol women's look:
"I had a friend who commented that all the women in Sebastopol look like woodland fairies."
"The first time I went to a mom's play group, when I hadn't lived here for long, I looked around and thought a lot of these moms looked like they should be at a tribal dance convention. Moms in Stockton sure did not dress this way!"
I lamented to my sister (after someone told me I dress "quite conservatively"): "Well, I'm sorry I don't dress like I'm on my way to a tantra workshop or a Renaissance faire!"
My niece and I were tossing a stuffed animal back and forth on the stairway. At one point it landed on her forehead. "Are you all right?" I asked.
"I'm okay. It just hit my third eye, but I'm okay."
My sister was telling us how people are renting out spaces for storage because of the limited housing and storage in Sonoma County. "Maybe I could rent out my garage for a storage space."
"And this is Sebastopol. For an extra charge you could tell the person you will smudge their boxes once a month."
While standing in line at CVS a woman was describing to the cashier about the bathroom reading material at her relatives' house. "It's so Sebastopol. It's all about spiritual alignment and Rumi and how to make a cake with no sugar. At my place it's just Reader's Digest."
An acquaintance, visiting from the city, commented to the group I was standing with: "There are more yoga places in Sebastopol than gas stations."
His friend: "I think there are more yoga studios than banks."
Me: "I believe there are more yoga studios than grocery stores."
License plates around town:
BLITZIN
VEGEVAN
SUN GYPSY
WAFL MAN
"Let's go to Slice of Life. They have chicken mcnuggets now."
"They do? Are they real?"
"No, they are tempeh healthy vegan mcnuggets. But they're good."
"Nothing 'mc' about that." (I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing.)
More comments on the Sebastopol women's look:
"I had a friend who commented that all the women in Sebastopol look like woodland fairies."
"The first time I went to a mom's play group, when I hadn't lived here for long, I looked around and thought a lot of these moms looked like they should be at a tribal dance convention. Moms in Stockton sure did not dress this way!"
I lamented to my sister (after someone told me I dress "quite conservatively"): "Well, I'm sorry I don't dress like I'm on my way to a tantra workshop or a Renaissance faire!"
My niece and I were tossing a stuffed animal back and forth on the stairway. At one point it landed on her forehead. "Are you all right?" I asked.
"I'm okay. It just hit my third eye, but I'm okay."
My sister was telling us how people are renting out spaces for storage because of the limited housing and storage in Sonoma County. "Maybe I could rent out my garage for a storage space."
"And this is Sebastopol. For an extra charge you could tell the person you will smudge their boxes once a month."
While standing in line at CVS a woman was describing to the cashier about the bathroom reading material at her relatives' house. "It's so Sebastopol. It's all about spiritual alignment and Rumi and how to make a cake with no sugar. At my place it's just Reader's Digest."
An acquaintance, visiting from the city, commented to the group I was standing with: "There are more yoga places in Sebastopol than gas stations."
His friend: "I think there are more yoga studios than banks."
Me: "I believe there are more yoga studios than grocery stores."
License plates around town:
BLITZIN
VEGEVAN
SUN GYPSY
WAFL MAN
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Practical New Year's wishes
Favorite comment from the previous blog (regarding Sebastopol women's "look"):
"We were just browsing in Funk & Flash last night. I love 'Peter Pan pirates' so much more than 'Tribal.' If I wore those clothes I would have to be six inches taller and 40 lbs. skinnier and learn how to care for wearable feathers."
While I was waiting for someone an event let out and people were streaming past me, wishing each other happy new years. Two of the well-wishers stopped near me, talking about January goals. They gave each other a hug and one said, "Happy new year's! Blessings for a healthy, healing, light-filled new year!"
To which her friend replied, "I need a job!"
First woman: "Blessings for an abundant, healthy, healing new year!"
Second woman: "I want to get a job. I need prosperity! I need a financially sound new year!"
A mini-discussion about the difference between abundance and prosperity ensued.
And as my sister and I drove up to Community Market in the late evening on New Year's eve, I was glad to see the car we parked next to had a banner on the back: I AM THANKFUL.
From a worker in a health food store: In the supplements section a woman talking to his co-worker remarked, "Sebastopolians buy and ingest a lot of supplements. People around here must have very expensive pee."
In my yoga class a woman made the comment, talking about another restorative yoga class: "That one was too restorative for me. It was just doing shavasana with different props, for like an hour-and-a-half."
When I was walking to my car parked in the plaza, I heard a young woman saying to her friend:
"I totally judged him. Because of his hipster beard. I admit it."
License plates, the tale continues:
BUG GRL
HAHA GRL
VANTASY
BASS GUY
Someone accused me of reusing the same license plates, so I looked back on some older blogs to make sure this wasn't the case. I did come across:
NLITEN UP
LI-10 UP
LITEN UP
... so I could see the similarities.
#evolvedvanityplates
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog
"We were just browsing in Funk & Flash last night. I love 'Peter Pan pirates' so much more than 'Tribal.' If I wore those clothes I would have to be six inches taller and 40 lbs. skinnier and learn how to care for wearable feathers."
While I was waiting for someone an event let out and people were streaming past me, wishing each other happy new years. Two of the well-wishers stopped near me, talking about January goals. They gave each other a hug and one said, "Happy new year's! Blessings for a healthy, healing, light-filled new year!"
To which her friend replied, "I need a job!"
First woman: "Blessings for an abundant, healthy, healing new year!"
Second woman: "I want to get a job. I need prosperity! I need a financially sound new year!"
A mini-discussion about the difference between abundance and prosperity ensued.
And as my sister and I drove up to Community Market in the late evening on New Year's eve, I was glad to see the car we parked next to had a banner on the back: I AM THANKFUL.
From a worker in a health food store: In the supplements section a woman talking to his co-worker remarked, "Sebastopolians buy and ingest a lot of supplements. People around here must have very expensive pee."
In my yoga class a woman made the comment, talking about another restorative yoga class: "That one was too restorative for me. It was just doing shavasana with different props, for like an hour-and-a-half."
When I was walking to my car parked in the plaza, I heard a young woman saying to her friend:
"I totally judged him. Because of his hipster beard. I admit it."
License plates, the tale continues:
BUG GRL
HAHA GRL
VANTASY
BASS GUY
Someone accused me of reusing the same license plates, so I looked back on some older blogs to make sure this wasn't the case. I did come across:
NLITEN UP
LI-10 UP
LITEN UP
... so I could see the similarities.
#evolvedvanityplates
www.facebook.com/sebastoblog
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